


On the way

by sherlollywatson



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23670715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlollywatson/pseuds/sherlollywatson
Summary: Harry isn't known for good casual speech - Paris isn't for his logic. Have a portion drama to draw the attention of a certain beloved captain.
Relationships: Kathryn Janeway/Tom Paris
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	1. To / begin

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying my best.  
> Not sure where this shall lead, but I hope this is going to be a pleasant surprise...  
> Enjoy & stay safe.

"So bad, huh...?" Paris sighs, putting down his fork. There was no use keeping his poor facade of focus on his food. "Harry, spit it out." Finally his best friend received his attention, but also a hearty glare.  
"Yeah.. alright. How to put this...?" "You've been bloody moody all day long" B'lanna doesn't even spare them a gaze, instead taking a sip from her glass. Harry figures it would be a good moment to pick up their conversation, but the other male just groans in annoyance, abadoning his dish and gets up to leave the room. He doesn't turn as he makes his way towards his quarters, not even when he hears the command to come to sickbay _immediately_.

Her eyes are heavy. She tries to rub the tiredness out of them, willing her lids to fall open again. The com beeps. She answers, suppressing a sigh: "Yes?"  
"Captain, you wanted me to remind you of the report on todays progress. With the repairs the warp-engine is now up to 60 percent and the navigation system running almost smoothly again-" "Sure... sure, Chakotay. Anything else?" A slight pause on the other side of the line. "Well. As always the Doc has filed a complain, I received a dozen requests from Neelix and I cannot fail to pass on Tuvoks worries along my own considering your health. Kathryn-" "Thank you, Commander. Please send it over, so I can take care of it. Your concern is noted, I will see what to do about it." "...I really hope so. Goodnight, Captain"

Two and half an hour later the brunette poured herself another cup of coffee - the last for today, she scolded herself sternly. Chakotays report was added to protocols standards; the problems analyzed, categorized and multiple plans laid out. All but one thing...  
She felt dread creeping up her spine, crawling onto her neck. She knew - A confrontation was long overdue. Paris behaviour wasn't acceptable. She didn't mind dishing out disciplinary measurements, it was part of her job after all. But of course Tom Eugene Paris didn't do things halfway. If anyone were to ask about it, she would blame their history- after all, working together closely & on long term turned almost every relation difficult, personal even.  
The last time she had to reprimand Voyagers popular pilot it was because of his unprofessional behaviour along B'lannas... She surely dreaded especially this particular memory.  
Janeway had to face it: Paris behaviour wasn't acceptable, but unbecoming for a member of her crew. She had granted him her ignorance long enough now. Everyone else would've had no chance to get away with constantly being late, rude or frankly unavailable during active shifts! Everyone else would've been scolded _and_ punished by now...  
Kathryn massaged her forehead when the doors to her personal quarters slipped open.

He couldn't help himself. It was surely preferable to be buried alive than to talk about this _matter_ with someone. That brought up more nauseating thoughts. If that choice of avoidance made him a coward, so be it.  
Paris kept pacing stubbornly, relentlessly around his quarters. He exercised vigorously, stared at the wall like a possessed madman and tried pretty much everything else that might give him the chance to escape his own spinning thoughts. But his mind really didn't agree on being merciful...  
Finally the lieutenant had enough and stomped carelessly through the ship, his determination making the air around him seem to buzz with energy. He wouldn't stop until he arrived right into the space of the cause: The woman, who let his neural system work overtime, who wouldn't grant him any rest.

 _It's been a while since I last had a nightly visitor-_ Just before those silly words can pass her lips, a well known inner voice takes over: "Hello Mr. Paris. I wasn't aware we had an appointment - I hope there's no emergency?"  
These few words make the males fists unclench, the familiarity of the sound of his captains voice seems to relax his whole posture instantly. Still nervousness tickles along his skin. _Snap out of it, she'll notice, goddammit_ Paris clears his throat. "Ma'am-", he begins, "no, I'm here to discuss a personal matter." She scans him, an eyebrow rising. "Are you sure this is the right-" "Yes, ma'am, I'm positive." She nods, gestures to the sitting area and gets up from behind her desk. "Guess I can use a break, anyway..."

Paris shifts on his seat, praying his courage will last. "Permission to speak freely." "Granted." It spooks him how tight he grasps onto protocol for safety. The dejavu isn't pleasant, either. "Captain, I know you've been avoiding me. I cannot blame you for that. After all we shared some grotesque after-effects of an alien-drug... What I'm meaning to say is- I must apologize. This whole lizard-disaster has been around for weeks. It's clearly my fault that you were the topic of-" " Mister Paris, I must interrupt you. I'm sorry you suffered because of my choice of avoidance in this case. But it's nonsense for you to take all the blame." The womans expression seemed almost fond at this point. "I know you are aware of the fact that I've been treating your missteps rather mildly lately. Your conclusion wasn't correct, it's my duty to set it right. Anywhere human communities have settled, rumors are a constant occurrence. This starship is no exception. But I never thought you'd be one to believe-" She stops in her tracks, watching him closely. "This isn't about your relationship with B'lanna, is it?"

Great. She's made the conclusion too easily, there's nothing left for him but to squirm with uneasiness under her attentive gaze. Toms breath chose to be a traitor and escaped him through a bitter chuckle: "Captain, B'lanna is a good woman. But I did her wrong. Very much so, I'm afraid. Ending our relationship was the only sensible thing to do..." The blonde explained, glancing towards the galactic spheres behind the window.  
"She- I never wanted her to be a replacement. But... you know. It's never been about her, Captain." His voice softened unintentionally towards the end. Tom could only hope he wasn't blushing like some schoolgirl who had to talk to their crush for the first time...  
"Why is it that you come to me? I cannot hand you absolution, nor forgiveness. What are you seeking, Tom? What's my place in this matter?" Her voice had a curious quality to it, but the underlying sarcasm made his skin itch for some kind of action. Tom settled on deflection in form of a rhetorical question: "Have you ever wondered why I bothered to begin a relationship with a woman like B'lanna?" The male paused shortly, not to receive an answer, but testing the waters. "Her traits had shown some nuances of the person I longed to be with. I knew this to be wrong, yet I had to take the chance. I couldn't stay away from the possibility of finding some - no matter how little - comfort and joy in a toxic fantasy. You must think me weak-minded, Captain..." 

"You aren't here for relationship advice, Lieutenant. Don't make me order you to get to the point." Kathryn couldn't believe herself. She certainly could not allow the situation to evolve. She should sent him to bed and be done with it. Of course she noticed Paris' behaviour towards her - She shouldn't encourage it.

"...It can't be helped then, Captain."

"Pardon me-", he whispers. Before Janeway can react, her pilot slides down the bench and kneels in front of her.  
She can barely contain a gasp. "Mr. Paris, this isn't-" Her voice breaks away, but her gaze doesn't. Paris' blue eyes aren't exactly begging, but they hold hers with the kind of uncertainty he usually covers with cynicism. The endeavor of displaying this openness draws her closer, she was about to lay her hand on his shoulder, just - as the comm rips her out of the trance she's fallen into. Her hand is pulled back as if she's burned herself; she sees her self moving to her desk, answering the call. "Report." When she turns again, she can only catch the movement of her quarters doors sliding closed again. The room's empty.


	2. Is / better

She doesn't sleep much. Lately even less, but today she's tossing and turning. But when her tired eyes finally manage to fall closed, just a few minutes later they open in terrorized disbelief. Muttering a curse the stressed woman undresses and goes to the bathroom.  
The luxury of pure, hot water comforts, but doesn't help much to put her mind at ease. Maybe she should consider consulting the doctor? Nonsense. She's overcome worse. She'll work it out of her system.  
The face in her mirror lacks determination. Is she getting old...?

"Breakfast-time ~! What can I get you, boys?" Neelix asks cheerfully. Paris wants to be somewhere else. Maybe he can get a shift in the holo-deck to run some backups - Sure that ain't especially interesting, rather monotonous work instead, but it'll keep him off his bridge-shift - probably... "Ouch. Hey, what's gotten into you?" Harry shrugs and smiles. "See that, Neelix? He's totally fine. Probably just fantasizing about his 'crush' the whole ship's placed bets on." The blonde growls silently, rubbing his side more for show than anything else. "Gettin' some coffee", he mumbles and walks over to a replicator. With his luck...  
...he might walk straight into the Captain. "Good morning, Captain" He automatically responds to her presence, straightening his posture. If he wouldn't feel so miserable about yesterday, he might've found this situation even funny. Yet he only hopes that he isn't pulling a face.  
"Thank you." Her voice doesn't waver, but she has noticed he is avoiding to look at her. The pilot answers with a simple nod and turns to move away stiffly. Her voice makes him pause. "Tom", she calls, "you forgot your coffee."

Later that day they had a formal meeting. Janeway asked Tuvok and Paris to stay behind, she wanted to adress the problem - formally.  
It wasn't all that hard to tell herself that the issue wasn't the lack of trust in herself to be alone with Paris. It would be wise to have Tuvok around for help. After all she didn't feel much like herself and still had to decide on the disciplinary measurements.  
The chief of security listened to her summary of the pilots behavior in public attentively, his face void of any expression as usual.  
"I couldn't help but notice that your behavioral patterns have changed, too, Captain." His voice was calm and without judgement. Kathryn blinked, really, it shouldn't be surprising... Instead of showing her irritation - Tuvok would notice anyway - she nodded. "What's your recommendation?" "It certainly might be advantageous for you to take a break. The ship needs their captain, but in good health." Kathryn feels her breath getting stuck in her throat, but she nods again and takes a seat behind her desk.

The small mission Tuvok presented in the afternoon was perfect. He didn't forget anything: A simple, yet solidified coverstory, their equipment and route.  
The only thing left to do was signing the necessary documents and packing her bags. She could've ordered another pilot to accompany her; she could've found some reasons to argue. But she didn't.  
What use would it be? Problems don't solve themselves. Janeway would face it and use this little 'mission' to show Paris some reason. 

When the computer told her it was time to go she did a last check up, went to the bridge and handed command over to the chief of security as demanded by protocol.  
A few minutes later the shuttle left; the helmsman joined his Captain-off-duty without many words.

Leaving her ship never felt easy - even if she could hope to come back soon.  
Kathryn knew they had went past the radar of Voyagers short-range sensors a while ago. It made her feel afloat, somewhere between melancholic and excited.  
Routine settled quickly. The evening passed in silence and comforted the captain.

The computer gave them the signal for night shift which turned things a bit awkward. Yet - it wasn't as bad as Kathryn had imagined. She let the pilot program the course for the computer. Letting the machine take over gave them the advantage of reaching their destination with minimum speed at noon of the following day.  
  
Their arrival was unceremoniously. Also it didn't seem like there was much of anything around. "Mr Paris, are you sure we've reached our destination?" The captain asked skeptically. "I've checked the coordinates twice and ran numerous scans on the navigational system during our flight, but there weren't any misleading signals or interferences, either. This is exactly the course Tuvok wanted us to-" Paris gasped, a realization dawning on him. "Ohh, that green-blooded bastard! At least he could've told me!" The woman sighed. Her presumption was confirmed. They were set up by her best friend. For oh so good, perfectly logical reasons...  
"There's still the option Commander Tuvok made a mistake -" Her voice made it pretty clear that even Kathryn herself didn't seem convinced of her statement. "Pfft. Yeah, sure as if-" Tom caught himself, beginning to curse silently. "Sorry, Captain. Guess I need some time to cool off...", he apologized, quickly leaving. The womans gaze lingered on the commando pult, realizing she was alone to deal with some kind of new » stuck in that nebula « fun.  
  
When Tom returned Captain Janeway already filed a nice letter to her chief of security, which gave her the satisfaction of turning out not quite as emotional as she worried beforehand. Her rage burned off quickly, leaving her in curious wonder and amused, quiet appreciation. A little threat was in place and sent off. Revenge was a sweet thing after all...  
The crewman had worked it out of his system pretty quickly, too. Hell, he apologized again, sweetly even. Being honest to herself she didn't care much about it in the first place. Not that anyone needed to know...  
"You're awfully quiet, lately." Her company seemed in the mood for conversation. Kathryn decided it wouldn't hurt if she humored him for a while.  
"Not much of your talkative self since the start of our mission, either."  
  
'Well, Captain - it gets harder with every passing minute to keep my hands to myself. Can you imagine how my heads spins and my thoughts tumble according to that; how much my discipline strains against all I want to do to you without anyone around...?' He said none of those thoughts.  
Instead he settled on biting his lip and staring anywhere else. He had done his part. Pushing her wouldn't be wise - right?

Both humans worked efficiently, it wasn't long and they had to call it a day. Tuvok certainly did his homework. They wouldn't be able to escape this nebula without a little friendly help, which had seemed nothing but harmless until they got quite literally stuck. Kathryn shuddered as she reminds herself how glad she is to have the vulcan as an ally, not being on the receiving end of his animosity. His reply to her letter put her at ease.

At least their current position made their task of collecting much needed minerals quite easy. Soon their storage was housing a good amount of the resourceful material.

During the next days nothing approached them. Both humans had plenty time to relax- and reflect.  
It was no surprise to the captain to find her mind wandering, there was no reason why she shouldn't indulge. After all this was meant to be her own & free time - recharging her poor minds batteries was part of her neglected health, too.


End file.
